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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946025">Destroy Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmiepooh2/pseuds/emmiepooh2'>emmiepooh2</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bisexual Character, Drug Use, F/F, Found Family, G!P, Gay, Girl Penis, Intersex, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Miscarriage, Other, Pregnancy, Slow Burn, Triggers, Unplanned Pregnancy, arizona robbins has a penis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:40:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28946025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmiepooh2/pseuds/emmiepooh2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Arizona and Amelia has a past and maybe they don't want to let it go. </p>
<p>"I think I'm falling in love." </p>
<p>Arizona is G!P, mentions of drug use, alcohol use, child loss, substance abuse, and depression.<br/>Slow-burn romance</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Addison Montgomery/Mark Sloan, Arizona Robbins/Amelia Shepherd, Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres, Lexie Grey/Mark Sloan, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set in Season 7 of Grey’s Anatomy.<br/>Inspired by @greysmontgomerry on Instagram.<br/>Slow-Burn (dont kill me it is killing me to write a slow-burn)<br/>G!P Arizona</p>
<p>Trigger Warning: Drug use, substance abuse, child loss, and depression<br/>If you have not read up on Amelia’s history then I would not recommend reading this or you will question, why is a greys character going through a lot. I made it less bad than the show, but more painful for the gays (such as myself)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>All it took was one night, one fight, and the brunette relapsing for her to leave. Arizona was done with Amelia, she tried so hard to save her that they were not even girlfriends anymore. She felt more like Amelia’s mother than her partner, that she could not even go to her about her problems. She felt alone in the situation, whereas Amelia was doing drugs and getting drunk. 
The final night was just the worst for her, she could not take seeing Amelia like that. Amelia yelled and pushed Arizona, when the blonde tried helping her. She struggled internally for too long and wasn’t the kind of woman to tell the blonde what she was going through. How she felt about what had happened to them, to their baby. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>So, when the brunette got tired and passed out on the couch, Arizona packed her bags. Arizona left her in Maryland and made her way to Washington, without a note. All that was left of Arizona’s was her promise ring and their matching scrub caps. She was needing to get over it, to feel emotions and Amelia needed to get some help. She knew Amelia would not do that with her there as a constant reminder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona closed her eyes as she sat on the plane, she regretted letting them get that bad. She regrets not being there enough for Amelia, when they lost their son. She regrets not forcing Amelia back into rehab or even getting Derek involved. She blamed herself for everything and the flashbacks flooded in. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You come and go, not even giving two shits that we lost our baby. OUR BABY. But maybe it wasn’t our baby because I am the only one who is grieving here.” Amelia screamed before throwing more tequila down her throat. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Arizona was trying to grab the bottle out of the brunette’s hands. “He was my son, Amelia.” She tried not to raise her voice and remained calm. But this situation was killing her. “He wouldn’t want-”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The brunette cut the blonde off, “How would you know what he would want? Huh? He died in my arms, MY ARMS.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Tears were painting both women’s cheeks. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Amelia was right, he died in her arms. Arizona was trying to get everyone called to tell them both the good and the bad news. The bad news they kept to themselves for the past month, since Amelia was eight months pregnant. They did not know how much time he had left, Christopher Timothy Robbins only lived twenty-three minutes and forty two seconds. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“He is our son, no matter what… I know you are hurt he died, I am, too. But he would not want us getting drunk off our ass and high off of God knows what!” Arizona snapped and grabbed the bottle finally. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Amelia was frustrated, she wanted to forget for a moment about the pain she was going through. She wanted to forget her father getting killed in front of her, her previous boyfriend overdosing over her leaving him, and her son, who was born without a brain. She wanted to forget about losing every single guy that she loved. She pushed Arizona, wanting to get the bottle back and out of pain. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Arizona stubbled a bit when she pushed her, due to their tiny one bedroom loft. She hit her head on the corner of the coffee table, when Amelia noticed she sobered up fast. Trying to lift the blonde up and check her forehead. A gash was on her forehead, “I am fine. Sit your ass down.” She got the mix of charcoal out and some surgical glue to get rid of the gash. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh hell no, I am not doing that again.” Amelia was not one for the charcoal mix. She hated it, rather sleep off whatever pill she took a bunch of. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are taking this and I am going to fix this cut afterwards. You hear me? I am fucking tired of you relapsing and thinking that your life doesn’t affect me, because it does.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Didn’t seem like it before.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>“Amelia, how many times do I have to tell you, that I love you? I tell you it everyday and every moment I can.”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Amelia didn't believe her. She didn't believe that the blonde loved her. It was truly the drugs and depression talking. Arizona put the mix in the iv, placed it in Amelia's arm forcefully and made sure the trash can was in front of the brunette. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The brunette was cursing nonstop, at the time she did not see this as love. Rather, she saw it as hate and a waste of time. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ma’am, the plane has landed.” A flight attendant spoke softly, tapping the blonde’s shoulder. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh- I am sorry…” The blonde peds surgeon spoke softly and got up grabbing her carry-ons. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Arizona headed off of the plane and into the lobby, she was going to get a fresh start. And a therapist, to deal with the loss she recently went through. She made her way to the loading zone, where many cabs were parked. She had two suitcases in hand, along with her three carry-ons. She raised her hand and a cab driver helped her load her belongings in the cab. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Where to?” The cab driver questioned.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Albany Apartments that is near Seattle Grace Hospital.” She was going to stay with a good friend of hers, just until she was back on her feet. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The cab driver nodded his head, shutting the door behind the blonde. He drove her to the apartments and helped get her stuff out. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Handing him a twenty, she flashed her smile. “Have a nice evening.” She spoke before walking herself and the belongings into the apartments. She carried them up the stairs and groaned, when noticing an elevator. “Fuck.” She threw her head back, it isn't like she got a redo, she knocked on the apartment door that she's staying at. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I will be there in a minute,” A loud masculine voice said through the other end of the door. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She shifted her weight, pursing her lips as the door swung open. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There was her friend, Mark Sloan in nothing but his towel. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mark! I told you my plane-” She hugged him anyways. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, about that- I had just gotten out of a huge on-call shift, so I came home and got distracted in the shower. You know, how hot interns are.” He joked with her as he helped her put her belongings in the apartment.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She nodded her head, “yeah, I know. Remember, Amelia was an intern when I got with her.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He looked at her, “she may be my little sister from another mother, but tonight you’re not discussing her, you’re going to get over her.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Calzona, maybe?<br/>Angst, yes.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry about not writing yesterday. But here it is today. I am hoping to post at least one chapter a week from now on. So, at times yall can have more than one as long as yall dont kill me for how I write this.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>*Two years later*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona was happy, she was genuinely happy. She struggled at the beginning with the transition from non stop thinking about the ‘what if’s’ to admitting reality. She was in Seattle, Amelia was in Maryland, and their son was dead. Things that she hated how it was, but she lost herself in Amelia. In falling for Amelia and not accepting that she lost just as much as her. She needed to come to term with knowing that, which was the hardest thing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t even say her son’s name until six months into therapy, when she disclosed that she started sleeping around for the first time in her life. Before then there were only a few lovers that she had been intimate with, but after two weeks during that time- she slept with five people. Not all the way, though. She wanted to forget the fact she had a dick. She wanted to focus on living between women’s thighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But in the time she was healing, she met Callie Torres on a personal level. Maybe it was an accident that she had walked into the bathroom at that moment, but she didn't regret kissing Callie. For the first time since Amelia, she felt alive. For the first time in many years, she didn't remember who Amelia was, well- until her therapy session that week. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“So, you met someone, Arizona. That is so good! It is progress.” Her therapist, Anna, stopped writing notes for the session. She noticed Arizona responded more when she did not write as she spoke. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Arizona nodded her head, not meeting her gaze with her therapist. “It is good. It is amazing. She is- wow.. And she is a surgeon, ortho..”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“But?” Anna questioned, pushing her glasses back up her nose.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Until today, specifically until I walked into this building… I forgot her- Amelia. I forgot the reason I came here in the first place- Christopher… I still haven’t told Callie about him… about the fact I haven’t been over…” The blonde peds surgeon couldn’t help but to rant, she rambled on and on, not completely verbal. She spoke too fast.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anna cut her off, when she couldn’t take not understanding Arizona anymore. Her hand went to Arizona’s leg, stopping the bouncing of her nervous knees. “You will tell Callie when you feel like she should know. Don’t stress about it, this situation may be complicated for you now… But you proved that you could get through it. You survived.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Arizona closed her eyes and nodded her head, “I survived.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona was in her feels thinking about today marking two years since she moved here. Two years since she walked away from Amelia, without a note. Though, she assumed since Derek worked here that Amelia would know. That Amelia had some time to try to get her back, even though she doubted that she would take Amelia back. She didn’t think Amelia ever felt the way towards her, that she felt to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona jumped out of her thoughts when she heard someone apologize. She turned her head, gazing at her ex-girlfriend, Callie. “What?” She didn’t think she heard her right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am sorry, I just- I assumed you weren't going to come back. You told me that you wanted me to stay here- I know that is not an excuse… But you left me.” Callie was no longer working at Seattle Grace, due to the blonde leading her on to think she was moving to Africa with her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona sat her clipboard down on the counter of the nurse’s station. “You slept with Mark the night I left to go to Africa. After we broke up. You heard from Mark-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie interrupted her, “About Amelia. How you left her, too. Which you </span>
  <em>
    <span>never </span>
  </em>
  <span>told me about her.” She had her arms crossed over her baby bump. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona snapped, “You have </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> right to say her name.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She is Derek Shepherd’s baby sister-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, I was with her for what felt like a lifetime and I saw him on multiple occasions.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were together for a year and you never told me. You never told me that you lived an amazing life with another woman and came here to leave her just like you left me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona sighed softly, she left Callie because going to Africa felt like a breather. She felt free and not reminded that someday Callie would want kids and Arizona- Arizona just couldn’t give her them. She left Amelia because of their issues, of their loss that tore them apart from her being like Amelia’s mother than a girlfriend. “I had a son, he was the cutest thing… Amelia carried him to term, even though our doctors warned us that we wouldn’t get to see him grow up. He was born without a brain, he was a unicorn baby who lived for longer than doctors expected. Probably because of the badass blood he had in himself, he was a fighter. But he died, he died in Amelia’s arms. I wasn’t in the room then, she blamed me for it. Blamed me for not being in there when he struggled to breathe because he was dying. I only could hold him before the nurses cleaned her and I was told to call our family. Tell them to come see their grandson before the funeral home came to get him. So, no you and Amelia are not the same. I left you because you deserved better than someone, who constantly can’t get over Amelia Shepherd. What you created with Mark is a true blessing… You both would be amazing parents and Lexie will be an amazing step-mother too, if she chooses to be that. But I couldn’t take hurting you more when I realized the difference between me being in denial over me being over her. Because I am not over her, I don’t think I will ever be over her. I have to live with that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Callie was speechless, she wasn't expecting the blonde to snap like that. To say what Mark said about them, about Arizona still having feelings for Amelia. But she didn't know about Christopher until now. She didn't get the reason why Arizona doesn't want kids until now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arizona felt a single tear escape her left eye as she picked back up the clipboard. Turning around on her heels, she met the gaze with her old flame. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Amelia</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>How long was Amelia standing there, yall?</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you have recommendations, hmu on instagram. Sorry about any errors, I am not too keen on editing fan fictions right now. I rather just post as much as I can.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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